Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
