I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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