Porn is love you can see.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
