so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
