I must be too annoying 4 u.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
