so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
