I cannot find my penis.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
