her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
