When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
