She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
