so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Operation Purity has been aborted
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
