Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
