i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
