I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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