My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Success! We fucked roommates!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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