Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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