Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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