Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
PANTIES FOUND
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