I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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