I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
