Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
