Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
