im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
