Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
