Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
