Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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