I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Damn victory sex feels great
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