do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
