She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
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