Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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