The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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