Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
