census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He passed out mid-signature
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
