Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
there is puke in my bra ... again
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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