Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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