he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
