Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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