Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Randomize
