her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you will always have a special place in my vag
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You are the jesus of drinking
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
