All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
