I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
