The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
