at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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