Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
