i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
