WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
