i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
