Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
