Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
