I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
