she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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