I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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