I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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