It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
