hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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