Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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