thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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