Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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