he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
