Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
