WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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