Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
