never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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