But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
