Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The power of my boobs compel you
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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