Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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