White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
