I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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