Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
