I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
