My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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