Will you blow on my dice?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
