Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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