i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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