The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
