hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize