Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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