Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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