Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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