Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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