no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
