Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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