I met the friendliest cop last night
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
