Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
