The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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