it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
