That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
