How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I need water and some morals
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
