I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
